Friday, December 22, 2006
i moved again. sorry.ask for my url yourself.it will be on my msn nick, for just awhile (:i moved. cause i chose to move on.
11:25 AM
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i moved again. sorry.ask for my url yourself.it will be on my msn nick, for just awhile (:i moved. cause i chose to move on.
11:25 AM
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Wednesday, December 20, 2006
oh wells, think im not gg for that job again. aw. hate last min thing. anyway. (: ehhh:ha, we both edited our posts. okay. haha. anyway, yeps. i was just going to say that, actually what are we disagree-ing abt? i mean its quite a small matter and because of my reactive nature(i guess) it kinda get worse also lah. so yepps, that's why i deleted tt post. anyway, i want to tell you that: im SO NOT against you or anything alrights? (: ya, so lets build this friendship again with Christ in the center. (: i know you have good intentions all along, i promise you that im aware that you have good intentions. maybe im just too reactive sometimes and for that, i guess i said sorry already.being prideful in certain things are my weakness too. oh and i have been wanting to say that, i've been trying to change for a very long time and im still trying.(this is to address the issue on you saying that, knowing that im like tt den why didnt i change.?) so yepps. (: im feeling a little better now i hope. of all the self-defence /anger/ hurt/ disappointment/ sadness/ rejections/ uncared for feelings. God can be so near yet so far. i know there will be alot of major changes in Youth min and even in my life next year which i really need to pray abt for directions. im in this stage of life that i want to help others but i need to help myself kinda thing. and alot of times im very defensive of myself and being human, i think i dont want ppl to know abt me and the ugly side i guess. but oh wells. im not perfect, everyone have flaws. at least im trying to do something abt it. (:
the storms in life will not overwhelmed you, but God's Love will.
yongling.
11:19 PM
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Tuesday, December 19, 2006
okay. the last entry was deleted. cause i dont see how it serves any purpose. it only leads things worse. so yepps. moments of defence. wrong words. sorry tho.
1:55 PM
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Monday, December 18, 2006
well, went town with merv today. glad that beryl, caryn and amanda all did well for Nlevels (:okay. to the one who thinks im talking to you: heh. well i read your blog. sometimes i dont know what's going on. you always blogged as if i did something wrong and it always portrait me as a bad girl tt hurt you. i didnt do anything to hurt you ya. if i do, pls tell me can. i dont understand why you always put all the blame to yourself? i just dont get it. sometimes its totally not your fault but you insisted tt its because of you. i have always appreciate you as a very good friend and for all tt you had done k. dont think too much. whatever happens in the next following year, i dont know. but well for now, friendship lasts. alrights. im been feeling weird as usual. ha. im really not in the mood for anything. the title for my blog is JOY in the Lord. but well, joy? what joy? im really losing alot right. joy, peace, strength, passion for the Lord, love, care, ppl, kor, myself... and ah, i really dont feel like working. ): i need a life man.times flies. and christmas is so near. Christmas. it once again remind us of His love and the reason He came and all tt we are gg thru, He been there done that. what will become of me this christmas and what will i do? for myself and for Jesus. another trial for faithfulness, and we shall see in the days to come..whatver shall be, shall be.
9:04 PM
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Sunday, December 17, 2006
I open my eyes
I try to see but I'm blinded by the white light
I can't remember how
I can't remember why
I'm lying here tonight And I can't stand the pain
And I can't make it go away
No I can't stand the pain How could this happen to me?
I've made my mistakes
I've got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me?Everybody's screaming
I try to make a sound but no one hears me
I'm slipping off the edge
I'm hanging by a thread
I wanna start this over again So I try to hold on
On to a time when nothing mattered
And I can't explain what happened
And I can't erase the things that I've done
No I can't How could this happen to me?
I've made my mistakes
I've got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me?I've made my mistakes
I've got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me?
10:36 PM
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Friday, December 15, 2006
i suppose to go for an interview today at AMK @ 9am. but i didnt. cause im not in the mood to go. i cried from ytd night,11plus to this morning abt 4am. i hate to cry.i was sitting at bethel hall ytd. just looking at them practising for CATB. and i start to wonder. what in the world am i doing? im not even serving anymore. i looked at all the enthu faces, all the joyfulness. how it reminded me of last time.. when i was so on for God, so enthu and joyful in the Lord. ppl change, i think i do too. somethings are just not so simple. and trusting God becomes something tt is so hard to even think abt. all the things tt ppl said i know, but i just find it hard to go back sometimes. i think i lost my way. just like any other things tt i lost. it cannot be replaced. i cant find tt passionate for God girl anymore. maybe she's hiding, i cant find her anywhere. im such a sinner.its been a lonely year.. things never gonna be the same anymore. and without the passionat for God girl, i dont know what i will become. ya. im nothing all along. bye.
depressed&broken to the core.
you left me with no choice.
10:04 AM
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i havent been hurt so badly before, maybe once.
I HATE YOU. REALLY.
watch me fade away.
im not the same anymore, i told you so.
IHATEYOU.
from 12dec06 on. it changed.
this is the long goodbye.
8:35 AM
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Wednesday, December 13, 2006
you are a leader, im not. you click well with alot, i dont. you can impact lives of the younger ones better than me. you are organise things better than me. even the 2 person im closest with think you are better. others can see what you do, they appreaicate and praise you like crazy. i done so much but i got nothing. damm it. you got my friends and click better with them now. everyone looks for you to talk to now. im just nothing now.ppl thinks you are more sensible, im not. whatever.everyone thinks you are better..guess you can do more for ministry i cant.so its time for me to go. since everyone thinks you are so good. then you go be the one to support everything.im tired of supporting everything and having the credits to you. i dont want to be the bad person anymore. i thought i still have tt 2 closest person with me, but i realised i dont. why compare? cause i dont want to hide anymore. LEAVE ME ALONE. LEAVE ME ALONE!you hit me so badly.
3:42 PM
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... i dont know what to blog tho. ):
changed blogskin.
changed way of blogging.
changed friendships.
changed lifestyle.
changed you.
changed me.
sadness to me becomes something tt dont need a reason. being hurt doesnt need a reason anymore too..
even as tears filled my eyes, i swear i wont cry. i wont*
STOP ALL THE PRETENDS.
12:13 PM
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